Q: Tom discussed the importance and power of writing and the steps to get over our amnesia. Does he have any books he recommends to help healing past wounds or unlocking the writer within?
A: Books-War Of Art, Pressfield and Traveling Mercies & Bird By Bird Anne Lamott. Honestly reading great fiction (think your high school English reading list!) is the most inspiring to me. Such as Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Old man and the Sea, Of Mice and Men and so on.
Q: I would ask whether faith is not sidelined if history is a question. Why does faith need to anchor in history?
A: Faulkner says “The past is never dead. It’s not even past”…each life is a history lesson, your past is not a series of random acts as there is a plan as they say if we don’t learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them. Instead of compartmentalizing the sorrows, embrace them, learn from them. Those lessons will lead to acceptance/surrender and maybe even joy, your past is not a poison it's a gift. Tears turn into wine over time.
Q: John Lennon has a great lyric "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans". As you think about rehearsing your history and its impact on your life, how does planning for life, particularly in the short term, cause us to lose perspective of the long term.
A: I am not a long term planner. My motto with my art, is create and share with anyone that will receive. I believe if I focus on that simple premise each and every day, the long term takes care of itself.
Q: Tom in his talk said that “lies tend to lead us to isolation and loneliness and amnesia.” What can we do to bring truth back into our public life?
A: The culture in which we find ourselves certainly seems like an unreliable narrator. I believe truth is public life happens. Person to person, brother to brother, sister to sister, neighbor to neighbor, block by block, city by city, state by state. Truth trickles up not down.
Q: So much of our history is what you have referred to as memory- it is skewed based on opinion and perspective. It has then been taught to generations (Ex. Christopher Columbus "discovered" America). Who is to say that your history that you rehearse is accurate and how do you make sure you check yourself and your biases?
A: The critical ingredient in rehearsing your history is doing it with friends, your community, not family. You will tell your story inaccurately, that’s okay. Your friends will help correct the false narrative and the truth will emerge.
Q: What an incredible story, Melanie! I know you're a mom - how did this experience change how you mother your children?
A: Today my kids are 17 and 20 and I do think my childhood experience affected the way I raised them. I tried to make it safe for them to disagree with me or other adults. Today they’re comfortable speaking up for themselves, even to an authority figure. They’re confident and assertive. I’m not sure how much I consciously tied my parenting style back to my childhood trauma, or to what extent it was subconscious.
Q: Did the reporting help to give you your "power" back?
A: It did. It was the moment when I took charge of my story and made decisions about it. That said, giving this TEDx talk has taken my healing to a whole new level. Standing on stage and sharing my story, and now having it on the internet where anyone can see it, is a whole new wall of smoke and flames for me. It’s still early so I can’t say for sure, but I believe this is going to make me even stronger and more resilient.
Q: Melanie, looking back how has this trauma affected other parts or relationships in your life? More importantly, how have you continued to overcome them?
A: It’s hard to say how this has affected my relationships because I don’t know what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had this trauma. I do know that my relationships - with my now ex-husband, my children, my parents, my sisters, my close friends - have been life-giving and healing for me. The people in my inner circle have shown and shared love with me, and they have accepted me just as I am. Their love has helped me grow up to be a confident, happy adult.
Q: I read that you won the Moth competition, how do you think this childhood experience has impacted you as a storyteller now?
A: This TEDx talk is the first time I’ve talked about my childhood trauma on stage. However, I remember when I was a child, some days it took a lot of courage to walk into a new situation or to talk to a new adult or to be alone with a man. I think courage and boldness might be skills that we develop and build, and if so, in my childhood I build up a lot of strength. And today when I walk on stage to tell a story I tap into that strength. My heart is still beating a mile a minute but my muscles know how to overcome that.
Q: I’ve recently read a book where a therapist was working with a patient and was using hypnotherapy. They had buried their trauma so deep that they don’t actually remember but it was having a major impact on their life. I’m curious if your trauma was always with you, meaning you were conscious of it. Or was it something that came to the forefront more suddenly?
A: I’m not sure if this is typical but as a child I reviewed my story in my head on a regular basis. I went through the details, moment by moment, almost every day. I think I was afraid that I would forget. I knew it wasn’t recorded anywhere and perhaps I even felt my subconscious trying to bury the memory, and I was fighting against that. I didn’t want to forget.
Q: How does 2020 look different than 1977 in the way people think about reporting?
A: So many things today are different. In 1977 there was no sex offender database and sentencing for the few sex offenders who were caught was much lighter. There was no concept of trauma-informed care, so the act of reporting was often more traumatic than the assault itself. As a result, I think people were more hesitant to report. Our systems weren’t set up to take these reports seriously and deal with them appropriately. I’m not sure that was exclusive to the reporting of sexual assault though. It’s probably true of many other aspects of society. I hope that over the decades, as a culture we’ve become overall more compassionate and more kind and more just.
Q: Erin— Why do some people get to have “resilience” and some people seem to not? Is resilience also a brain neuro “function”?
A: There are many factors the contribute to resilience. Some are genetic / biological while some factors are environmental --- Nature and Nurture! Genetic and biological factors include things like…
There are many more than what I’ve listed but this gives you a general idea
Q: Dr. Watt, how much can neuroplasticity help trauma survivors’ brains? Are there things survivors can to do instigate greater neuroplasticity?
A: Neuroplasticity simply means that our brains have the ability to change through growth and reorganization. This can positively and negatively impact a trauma survivors’ brain. Some things that would promote healthy neuroplastic changes are:
Q: I was the victim of a molestation when I was 18 (in Nashville). I did not report it. I would like to consider reporting. I am now 50. How would I begin?
A: First, I’m sorry you had this experience. If you haven’t already, I would suggest you start by sharing your experience with a counselor. If you arrive at the conclusion that you do want to report, you can call the Metro Nashville Police Department, Sex Crimes Unit at 615-862-7786. If you want additional support on this journey, you can call the RAINN hotline at 800.656.HOPE. For local support, you can also contact the Nashville Sexual Assault Center at (866) 811-7473.
Listen below as Drake White answers some of your unanswered questions from his live Q&A after his 2020 TEDxNashville talk!
Watch Drake's talk, 'How Paralysis Helped Me Find My True 100%' now:
First, thank you, all, for watching the TEDxNashville talk and for your great questions. Below, I offer some thoughts in bold.
Q: Why are we so polarized today? I know social media has exacerbated it, but is there something inside of all of us that is really the main reason why we are so unprecedentedly polarized today? Ezra Klein talked about the creation of mega identity today as the reason for our polarization in his book “Why we’re polarized”, but, he did not explain WHY our identities are so aligned, creating the mega identity! Also, he did not talk about any solutions, as to how to overcome the hyper polarization! What do you think?
Q: Give us an example of respectful disagreement in practice.
Q: Considering misinformation and “fake news” is so rampant now, how do you present yourself as someone who still abides by journalistic ethics to an audience who is either skeptical or already led astray?
Q: When you began the movement of better open communication, what role do you believe mental health plays in productive communication online?